He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
