worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
