Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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