I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
