Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
