Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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