U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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