I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
