I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's shark week go big or go home
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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