I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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