is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
