Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
