Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
