I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
this boner is exhausting
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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