and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
