oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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