i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
