Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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