why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
