I want you more than these girls want KFC
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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