I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
