i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
COCAINE IS GR8
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
