chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
