i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
