I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
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and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
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I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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