even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
