did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
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My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
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Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I deserve this hangover.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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