My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
