ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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