Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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