so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
