She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I am one with the molecules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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