is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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