i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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