dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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