Small penises have feelings too.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
