just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Naked Twister starts at high noon
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
