So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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