I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
