We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
