Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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