this beer tastes like vomit already
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
