Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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