I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
