ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
