The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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