I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
