why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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