Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
