I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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