operation harelip BJ is a go
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
