You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
