I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
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I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
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The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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