My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
