I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
