Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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