Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
