Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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