Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
