I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
