I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
