Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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