yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
