booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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