Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
