If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
