We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
