we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
