Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
