I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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