So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
