you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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