I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So here I am, sexting at work.
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