the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
two words: eviction party
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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