Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
