is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
