last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
accomplished twins. life is a go
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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