That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize