I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
In other news, I just burned my penis
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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