Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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