I'm so fucking centered right now
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
In America we eat man semen.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
