Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
