had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
