While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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