We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
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