Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
