No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
