I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
