so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
